Oh, Steve. I’ve missed you.
You mean “…no… zits.”
Well, a couple minor ones, but they are easier to cover up!
Why exactly has Supernatural, more than any other show in history, had such a dramatic effect on you?
Ok. This is probably going to be a more serious answer than you were expecting.
First of all, it falls in a long line of “things I’ve been obsessed with” but maybe just the first in the last few years. I spent a while pretty maniacally obsessed with Dorothy Dunnett. Ask Aaron. It. Was. Intense. The difference was the size of the fandom, which was/is VERY small. In 2001/2002 I could literally tell you every website that had any mention of Dorothy Dunnett. I worked crazy hard to get anyone I could to read it and ended up with only one person who loved it as much as me. I would try to read it out loud to Aaron in the car and his two reactions were “WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE WORDS IN THAT BOOK!” or “Uh, huh, that’s nice,” depending on his mood. It was a trying time for both of us.
I also spent a fair amount of time watching Buffy and loving Buffy. But I was a new teacher and not really blessed with extra time to devote to being internet crazy about it (though my wordpress blog did have a Buffy reference as a title).
But, back to Supernatural. First off, it has a lot that appeals to me. As I mentioned in my letsrewatchsupernatural intro, I knew about it before it aired. I THOUGHT I would love it and was prepared to watch it, but given my focus in life at that point (having a toddler) I gave up before I really got started.
What does it have that I like? Well, I always love a good dose of the supernatural/horror/fantasy genre. That is from…always. It also has incredibly witty writing similar to Joss Whedon, full of pop culture references that make it fun and the episodes build on each other and begin to reference each other and build up a really rich world of inside information that make the following episodes funnier or more meaningful. I also enjoy a show that uses ‘monsters’ to explore ideas about life (like Buffy). So, on the surface it is about monsters, but underneath it is about family and loyalty and the messy business of living.
But, what probably caused me to be obsessed with it was timing. I started watching during the lead up to the one year anniversary of my brother’s death. I was feeling disconnected and depressed, but I wasn’t really registering that that was what was going on. I knew on some level that I was sad about the anniversary, but, in typical ‘let’s repress that’ fashion, I just wasn’t dealing with it. So I watched Supernatural. And I watched. The day I watched something like 11 hours, I think I realized something might be wrong with me. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, but the sheer fact that I could do that told me I might be having emotional issues that I was trying to avoid. But, on the other hand, it seemed like a fairly successful coping technique. Sometimes it is any port in a storm. Anyway, the anniversary came and went while I was in the middle of the series. My mood began to lighten when that burden was past. I don’t think it was Supernatural that cheered me up, but it was Supernatural that was my quiet partner during the sad times. It gave me a safe place to go with my brain when my brain didn’t have very nice things to say. And it was still there when my brain started thinking about other things, so the two things are associated for me. I think of Supernatural and I think of pulling out of my pretty serious funk.
It makes me happy. I like being happy.
At this rate I will be text messaging exclusively in Supernatual gifs by sometime next week.
Steve brought it to my attention that I might be developing an unhealthy fixation with a certain television show actor.
The thing is, ok, I can’t really argue with it, that’s probably totally true.
I have noticed in the last week or two, I’ve had these moments where I just feel light as air. I want to sing and dance in the car. Things don’t feel like a burden. I’m a little interested in making plans and doing things. I don’t mind thinking about silly internal things in my brain. I’m totally into spending hours working on creating something that almost no one is interested in, just because it pleases me.
Since last March, I have been on auto-pilot. I mean, I think I was handling things fairly well, but mostly because I’m an expert represser. Was that the wrong tactic to take? I don’t know. I do know it got harder to manage leading up to this March. I could really *feel* that I was depressed. It came as a surprise that I would feel that way after so many months of feeling somewhere between numb and fine.
I started watching Supernatural during that phase. It gave me somewhere to put my brain other than a default sadness. And I was still watching it as the anniversary of my brother’s death passed and my mood started to change. I guess I sort of associate it, a little, with feeling better. With taking an interest in something trivial. With being able to move some mental energy away from repression and into something silly and fun.
So, yes. It is ridiculous. I accept that. But it is more like the old me, and that makes me feel happy and relieved that I’m still able to just innocently enjoy something to an obsessive degree.
Anyway, I totally apologize if my blog seems crazy for a few months, I’m going to go ahead and enjoy it while it lasts.