Too Much Information

At this rate I will be text messaging exclusively in Supernatual gifs by sometime next week.

Steve brought it to my attention that I might be developing an unhealthy fixation with a certain television show actor.

The thing is, ok, I can’t really argue with it, that’s probably totally true.

However…

I have noticed in the last week or two, I’ve had these moments where I just feel light as air. I want to sing and dance in the car. Things don’t feel like a burden. I’m a little interested in making plans and doing things. I don’t mind thinking about silly internal things in my brain. I’m totally into spending hours working on creating something that almost no one is interested in, just because it pleases me. 

Since last March, I have been on auto-pilot. I mean, I think I was handling things fairly well, but mostly because I’m an expert represser. Was that the wrong tactic to take? I don’t know. I do know it got harder to manage leading up to this March. I could really *feel* that I was depressed. It came as a surprise that I would feel that way after so many months of feeling somewhere between numb and fine.

I started watching Supernatural during that phase. It gave me somewhere to put my brain other than a default sadness. And I was still watching it as the anniversary of my brother’s death passed and my mood started to change. I guess I sort of associate it, a little, with feeling better. With taking an interest in something trivial. With being able to move some mental energy away from repression and into something silly and fun.

So, yes. It is ridiculous. I accept that. But it is more like the old me, and that makes me feel happy and relieved that I’m still able to just innocently enjoy something to an obsessive degree.

Anyway, I totally apologize if my blog seems crazy for a few months, I’m going to go ahead and enjoy it while it lasts.