We return to Dean arriving in the Impala on a muddy road to meet Sam and John. John asks Dean if he’s gotten ‘it’. Dean hands over a gun shaped paper bag.
Dean: That’s why Meg wants you to come alone?
John assures Dean that he can handle her. But Dean is worried. He implores John to just get out if something goes wrong.
Again, me + John = ragefeels, but in this moment I see a man looking at his son and knowing he is saying more than just those words.
Ugh. I’m sorry you can’t hear the tiny hitch in Dean’s voice when he says “dead.” John and Sam are his whole life and he’s so afraid John is going to do something stupid, but because John is such an asshole this is as close as he can get to telling him he loves him and doesn’t want to lose him. And the look on Sam’s face. They are both trying so hard to be tough, but all the angst is happening underneath.
And, to be fair, John hears it. He knows what Dean is trying to say. He knows he is saying, “I love you and I don’t want you to die.”
And he comes as close as he can to saying the same thing to Dean.
He breaks off the touchy-feely moment to lecture them about the colt. Without its special bullets, the colt is useless, and there are only four left.
(Umm…this gif exists purely as an homage to Dean’s lips. I’m not sorry.)
I think it is interesting that when he’s in, Sam feels less like a reluctant soldier than Dean. It’s like Dean has always been just putting on the mask of good soldier, but when Sam is committed he is in it 100%.
John exhorts Sam and Dean to finish what he started, since he can’t be there.
Three serious faces as they contemplate the gravity of what they are about to do.
(Oh, look, I snuck in another Dean, oops)
John passes over the colt.
MINOR TONGUE PORN / SADNESS PORN
Sam knows Dean is overwhelmed.
John: I’ll see you later.
John walks to his truck and drives away.
UGLY FUCKING CRYING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!
Next Up: John goes one way, Sam and Dean go another
Observing Cas’s character development with respect to his relationship with Dean is like watching a man slowly coming to terms with the fact that he’s going to carry his wife’s purse around the grocery store, and he has no say in the matter.
#it’s the kubler ross stages of grief#but with handbags#lmfao omg cas you carry that handbag#and go to the store at 3am when dean wants pie#the purest form of unconditional love
No! I’m not saying Dean is boring. But have you ever been the very strong woman in a relationship with a guy like Dean who is tough outside and not inside? Especially if you’re young, you tire of it and look for ferocity.
I guess maybe we have a fundamentally different view of Dean on the inside. I don’t view what is on the inside as *weak*. He represses it, maybe because he thinks it is, but his love is FIERCE. If he were ever able to bring his outside and inside into balance I don’t think we’d see a WEAKER Dean, but a Dean who could more properly channel his emotions.
So, yesterday on twitter, Cary disagreed with my assertion that Dean/Buffy is an obvious ship.
This is no powerpoint, but I couldn’t stop thinking about WHY I’m so into Dean/Buffy.
On the surface, it’s almost selfcest. Buffy and Dean are both kick-ass fighters, thrust into a life they didn’t choose, doing the best they can to save the world from supernatural threats. In my mind, though, it’s not the surface sameness that makes them a good match, it’s the complimentary differences that make it appealing.
First, both of them need someone who isn’t going to mind that they will probably occasionally have sex for confusing reasons. They both seem to just have things they need to work out in a sexual way.
Both Buffy and Dean have a strong need for a personal connection with someone who can see their genuine core and still accept them (I mean, don’t we all, but they are both hiding something big inside them).
For Buffy, I think, her core is the SLAYER. She may be reluctant and sometimes resentful, but it IS who she is. She is strong. She is a protector. Strip away everything else and that is still there. Because what she is demands secrecy, she is constantly in a state of DENYING her power. On the one hand she denies her power to keep her secret safe, but on the other she also denies it because her power is feminine and therefore UNSEEMLY. She is afraid to be rejected by society because of it. She hides it most forcefully when a boy she likes is involved.
So Buffy needs someone who can accept her POWER in bed. Honestly, I can’t remember a lot of the Riley storyline, because I found him such an utterly boring match for her, but I do remember that he was never comfortable with the power she could exert over him. And I’m pretty sure she even says she is holding back when she’s with him because she knows it (though I could be misremembering). Her ideal partner needs to appreciate her power and welcome it, not be threatened by it.
For Dean, I think, his core is CARETAKER. Of necessity he has built a persona of toughness. While he is powerful, you could strip that away and still be left with a genuine Dean. What you could never take from him is his burning NEED to take care of the people he loves. His only way to do that has always been to BE powerful, in charge, violent, but that isn’t the truth of him. If his driving force is to care for others, I think his secret need is to be taken care of.
Dean needs someone with whom he can GIVE UP control. I think it is clear that Dean uses sex for escape from the hunting world (and power and violence). It never (the episode that shall not be named not withstanding) comes across as a conquest. The regretfully few times we have seen Dean have sex he appears to be a tender, tender lover. However, the episode where he has sex with the Amazon is revelatory. The look on his face when she takes charge: PRICELESS. He is so there for that. He can give up control AND take care of someone? DING DING DING. Dean is MORE than willing to by physically dominated by a sexual partner. There is no way he would be intimidated by Buffy’s power, in fact, I think he would be EXTREMELY into it. Extremely, with emphasis. (I know not everyone sees Dean that way, YMMV)
And just as Dean could see Buffy’s power and accept it, Buffy knows about darkness and mistakes. She has the experience to look at the things Dean finds the most distasteful about himself, but still see what is most true about him. She wouldn’t give him false platitudes or excuses, but she could hold the whole picture in her mind and still accept him. Almost no one has that view of Dean. Even Sam doesn’t really understand the things Dean hates about himself. The only person who knows Dean on that level is Cas (WHOOPS, snuck him in), Cas has seen Dean at his literal worst, in hell, as well as in every dark situation since, and still loves him (but that is a WHOLE DIFFERENT post).
Anyway, TL;DR version: Dean and Buffy would have mind-blowingly hot sex, that would also happen to be deep and meaningful, and there is nothing you can do to convince me otherwise.
I need a GIF to accurately represent my feelings about waking up extra early for a supposedly urgent call only to be told at the beginning of the call that I’m not actually needed and sorry we just forgot to email you about it.
Sometimes I think about the times in days long ago when we had to try to remember special moments just in our minds so dreamily while we rode our dinosaurs to the pay phones and I bow my head and thank baby jeebus and my soul mate Nicky for Supernatural gifs as a single tear runs down my face EPA Superfund American Indian commercial on rabbit-eared TV style. World, beauty so much. Sigh.
My brother asked Sylvia if there were any dreamy boys in her class. Sylvia grudgingly admitted that there was one boy who might be ok when he grows up. So I asked about dreamy girls and she had an answer right away and said, “She’s really dreamy.”